It can take your breath away
"I feel it's always going to be a letdown. Unless you are the surprise. You own the room. And the cake is for you" - JW
And deliver feelings of complete bliss
But then punch you in the face without warning…
That’s life, and it’s how we handle and respond to the ladder
Which will define our path forward and what we’re able to accomplish
You see, most of us go through tough shit, some worse than others, but most of us do
My first one came at age 18, and I never saw it coming. On top of that, it left me asking questions….
How could this happen? Will I ever see him again? What happened? Who was there?
The call came in the morning, it was from another close friend who was in tears
He delivered the news, and at first, I didn’t want to believe it at all
There was no way, not Jason, he didn’t deserve this
Still in shock, I drove over to the scene
Yellow tape around the house
Then it all set in…
Yellow Tape
It’s not what you want to see
I can remember it like it was yesterday
Police cars, ambulances, officers, and paramedics….
I started asking them questions, but no one answered me
I was frustrated, I raised my voice, and yelled at the officers for answers
Soon after, a few other close friends arrived, and they confirmed the passing
This was devastating…Jason was one of the kindest humans I ever crossed paths with
He was over-weight, a little slow at times, but was the definition of a free spirit
And he impacted my life in more ways the one during our time as friends
Unfortunately, Jason lost his life to an opiate overdose that night
And he wasn’t a heavy user, just got caught in the wave
In the end, it could have easily been me too
I was just with them the night prior
I dodged a bullet…literally
Wildman
"As I ponder the places I have come from, I sometimes forget to think about where I'm going" - JW
Jason was a great friend
Someone you could go deep on life with
He was the wise old man in our group of friends
And together, we all created some amazing memories
At concerts, events, and parties (if not throwing them ourselves)
I would not call Jason my best friend at the time, but we were close indeed
And I will never forget one night we sat together on my friends porch as the sun rose
We had just finished talking about life and our first year of life post high school
It was summer, and we didn’t see each other as often anymore
But he told me he had always believed in my ability
And that I would go on to do great things
It was one of our last conversations
But I will never ever forget it
Because I needed it…
The Guardian
When life serves you shit
You can step in it or use it as fertilizer
For me, the second option sounded a lot better…
And after the passing of my friend, instead of dwelling on it
I used that conversation of ours as motivation to execute on life
In university, and then my professional career, I always did one thing
Before a big presentation, interview, etc. I’d have the leaflet from Jason’s funeral
And would put it in my suit pocket, so that he was also there with me
Sounds crazy as I write this, but it was what felt right to me
I didn’t believe in myself at the time, and he did
And I needed the support from above
He got me through a lot though
And I still have the leaflet
But I don’t need it
Here’s why…
The Lesson
The passing of my good friend was terrible
But it didn’t mean the thought of Jason had to be sad
In fact, it meant the complete opposite and changed my life…
Who knows, maybe I would have given up or decided to quit on life
With no self-confidence, insecurities, and traumas...I didn’t have my own back
Instead, I needed to lean on my friend in the sky for the support
Read that again, my friend in the sky, it’s sounds crazy
But I lacked physical support around me
And I wasn’t willing to open up
So I kept it inside myself
And looked up…
But it wasn’t a long term solution
I needed to find support from those around me
Furthermore, I needed to believe in myself and my ability
And start doing things for myself, rather than to let down my friend
It wasn’t his life, even if he believed, it was my life, and I needed to own it
Today, I don’t need the leaflet anymore, and I’ve learned to be great without it
It doesn’t mean I forgot about Jason and what he meant to my life
It means I’ve become the man he saw inside a decade ago
One who is now confident of his abilities and skills
One who is now aware of his past issues
One who is secure in his own skin
One who CAN BE HIMSELF!